Oh, the POOP

I preface this with an apology to those of you readers that are not the least bit interested in baby poop. Maybe you haven't experienced it, or maybe you just don't care.

If you've ever cared for a baby, though, you know the poop story.






You hold your sweet little thing, keeping their gaze and marvelling at the wonder of it all. They smell so sweet, their cheeks are so soft. You are so connected right now.

Then a sound breaks through the silence. There's a bit of an explosion of sorts going on in the trusty (we hope) diaper. Why are they grunting so much? It's just liquid for pete's sake.

Now this sounds high-volume. Panic begins to set in as you wonder what the next 10 minutes has in store for you.




Questions run through your mind. Is she wearing the name brand diaper right now or the cheap-o one? Did I put a onesie on? Who gave us this outfit? How expensive was it? Do I have time to soak the outfit and do a load of laundry before I go visiting teaching?

More explosive sounds. Now you have to deal with the dilemma of how to hold the child while she "finishes". You don't want to put pressure on the exploding area - what if you made it squish all over? Can't lie her down, same problem. So you decide on a strange under-the-armpit dangle while hoping for the best.

Periodic checks to see if the offensive substance is beginning to leak anywhere, and really wishing you hadn't worn your white shirt today. Sure enough, we are beginning to show orange through the blanket sleeper back.

Where to assess the damage? In the nice clean bassinet where you normally change diapers? Well, this is not a normal diaper. This is the once-a-week "tell daddy about it" kind of poop. Ok, still dangling infant (gotta keep the white shirt clean) you pass the hamper and see a dark colored shirt on top. Perfect. No stains. You lay baby in the bassinet but on top of the dark shirt.

Where to start? Sheesh, the more you deal with the legs and bottom parts, the more it will flow out the top of the diaper (curse Pampers). Remember that the little pink sleeper was a hand-me-down and not worth the trouble. After way too many wipes, wrap up the garbage and outfit together and throw in trash.

Get baby dressed in something cute and do it quickly. It's almost time for visiting teaching. And pray it doesn't happen again - at least not today.