Every so often I feel like I've adjusted to this baby thing. And then the other 23 hours a day I feel like my head isn't even screwed on straight.
Why is this so hard? Aren't I a pro by now? Haven't I done this many times?
I have had a really emotional couple days this week. I feel like I am spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere. Yeah, I know time flies, blah blah blah. Enjoy her while she's little. I get that. I just can't rationally approach life yet or something.
I am forgetting EVERYTHING. Even more than when I was pregnant. I am a total flake. I am tired. I am always hungry. I am always in the 'grass is greener' mode. I am glad I'm not married to me. I am impossible to please lately.
Where is the old me and is she coming back? When?
Someday I will make sure my preschooler really has her show 'n tell stuff on the day of show 'n tell.
Someday I will look at my baby and not feel guilty for not snapping a picture of whatever she is doing that moment.
Someday I will stop yelling over spilled milk. Or marker on the shirt. Or cereal all over the floor.
Someday I will study my scriptures again, instead of skimming over a few verses to myself after family scripture time.
Someday I will look at my older children and not have to wonder when their last bath was.
Someday when my mom buys a cute bracelet for Rosebud I will actually remember to put it on her before her little wrist outgrows it.
Someday my kids will be able to get dressed by pulling clothes out of their drawers instead of running half naked to check the dryer.
Someday I will have dinner prepared before my husband gets home.
Someday I'll take each dirty diaper outside to the trash right away instead of accumulating them next to the changing area.
Someday I'll get reacquainted with that place called the library.
Someday I'll check books out at the library and remember to read them instead of just sitting them on my nightstand.
Someday I will have the time and energy and free hands to create and sew and imagine and do again.
You just listed a bunch of my "somedays" and a lot more that I'm too lazy to even THINK of!! You are a great mom and an amazing person! And if you ever need a break let me know - we could get out girls together!
ReplyDeleteWell, I think you're an amazing mom. And someday I hope to have a family as amazing as yours. Love you
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry...I know how overwhelming it is. Right now I'm in the rut of I wish I didn't have to work so that I didn't feel guilty that my kids didn't get enough attention...or so that even when I give my kids the attention they need in the back of my mind I know the laundry is done and my house isn't trashed....because right now, those are the choices that I have after work is all over and done...give my kids attention or clean my house. You're such a strong person, and I think you don't realize the way people see you. I think you're super mom and often marvel at the things that you are able to acoomplish and the things that you teach your children. Don't be so hard on youself. I know, I know...easier said than done. And it's still nice to know mothers all feel that way sometimes, because otherwise we would think we were all going crazy.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, you just described my life right now and the baby isn't even here yet and I have less than half the kids you have. I am in trouble.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It gets better, you know it does. Until then eat chocolate, send your little princess over for playtime, go ahead and cry.
I was so there after 5. I wish I could say it got better for me. But, just when I thought i was feeling better and getting on top of it. I got pregnant again. Emma put on the braclet for the first time last week. Trent has made dinner more times this year than any of our previous years. I now wash and dry laundry, and my kids fold their own, because I just don't have time. And, I got over what the inside of thier drawers looked like with it.
ReplyDeleteI am already freaking out about canning season, with a new baby, and 9 months pregnant.
Someday will come...I keep telling myself that. But when it does I don't think like laundry will matter much anymore.
ReplyDeleteI understand you feelings, I have the same ones everyday! I think you are amazing and so do you kids. And do you want to know what else? They just want mom, they don't care where the clean clothes are.
Thanks for your post, you reminded me that we as women are all trying to do the same thing, just in different ways. You are not alone. I know someday we will all look back and realize we did better then we thought we did at the time.
You just described me almost exactly in your "somedays" and my baby isn't even here yet! ;) Don't sweat it Jen, you are a GREAT mother and WONDERFUL person! And I mean that 100%! Let me know if there's anything I can do for you. Even if it's just having D over to play! :)
ReplyDeletesomeday the sun will be out and you are going to feel better. The sun always washes the blues away. Please let me know if you need anything, please.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this very often - and I only have three and my "baby" is 15 months old and I am not pregnant. So much to do, so little time. And it seems it's when I am busiest that my kids don't want to co-operate! You know? It's nice to commiserate - you're one of the most awesomest, put-together moms I know, so I'm sure you'll pull through!
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way after having my last baby. I couldn't believe how long it was taking for me to feel normal again. I don't want to depress you or anything but it took months! Now that she is older I am ready to take on the world! You will feel better, just hang in there until you do.
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