The whole me

Like any mom out there I wear a lot of hats. I am a lot of things to different people. And I know we go through seasons of life, and that all things have their own time and place. Just because I used to be something or someone doesn't mean that I still am.

I wondered a while ago if I should join Facebook and jump on this train that everyone else in the world seemed to be on but me. Most people I asked said yes. A couple friends and my brother said no, it wasn't worth it.

I thought about the people from my past that I've wondered about - and the possibility of finding them was the reason I decided to do it.

When I got started searching it was a snowball of memories and emotions. I was searching on behalf of the girl in Pennsylvania, the young teenager in Utah County, the high schooler in Salt Lake County, the college student at BYU, the nursing assistant, the medical assistant, the billing clerk, the doctor's employee, and the wife and mom that I now am. I have now connected to someone in just about every area of "me", past and present. I feel bigger somehow, like missing pieces (that I didn't realize were missing) have been discovered. It's a very unique and satisfying feeling. I'm actually kind of surprised that I have enjoyed this so much. But it has been so rewarding just in the last few days.

How often are you in the same room with girls you used to braid hair and go to sleepovers with, people who knew your first boyfriend, girls that helped you through watching your missionary get on a plane for two years, and those that you see in the neighborhood when you take a walk with your kids? That's how this reunion feels.

It has allowed me to wear all those hats at once, albeit briefly. For just a moment I still am that young girl in the field behind my house in State College, PA, with my friend Laura. I can remember when I learned how to find a vein to draw blood at Dr Allen's office. All this while I hold my four week old child in my arms. It's the whole me. And I haven't been forgotten.